Almost peace

Almost peace. Almost. In this place where my heart stills my breathing slows and I soak up the sights and smells and sounds of the Lakeland evening sun. Yet even here my mind still speaks over itself as the voices argue and confuse; an ever exhausting cacophony. At least here the noise inside is muted […]

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You’d keep running

The demons claw from withingnashing teethdrooling obscenities talons raking on bone. The screams belittle and hurtThe gurgles reverberate with painAnd the colours swirlin the chaos of nauseating movement. I appreciate you asking me what I’m thinking. I know you care, asking if I’m ok. I wish I could explain I wish I could show youI […]

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Do you?

Do you think of me when you close your eyes?Do you see my face behind your eyelids?Do you see my flaws, my pain, my soulin that moment when you blink?Do you see my smile in every day objects?Do you feel my touch with every breath of the wind? You don’t need to answer any of […]

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The cruellest irony

Thoughts start Thoughts spin Never ending Emotions churn Heart broken Torn Cracked Nauseated vortex Spiralling confliction A cruellest irony When the only person Who could make you feel whole Who could make you feel better Is also the reason You’re in pain.

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Sometimes oppressivesometimes peacefulaloneor in company. Silence is stillnessit’s the breathbetween storms. They saysilence is goldenfor me it’s a myriad of coloursnever harsh or glaringbut warminvitingmoments to reflectgrow, learnand most importantlystop.

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Yes you sustain lifebut you are so much more.You can be a sharp inhalationof shockof fearof surpriseof excitement. You can be a shudderof sadnessof releaseof exhaustionof passion. You can be deep and longto calmto relaxto groundto centre. Now as you read these wordsbreathe in andholdholdlisten to your heart beatnow breathe outlet it goand rejoicein your […]

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Shine your light on me

When the clouds of my worldblock the sun from my faceand the chill sends shivers down my spine,my skin tinglingwith the darkness of despair.When my downcast eyesonly see the mudand my life’s leaveswilt in the shadows of my own making. Shine your light on me.Raise my face to youand let your warmthawaken my dormant heart.

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Hold me close to yousafe in your embrace. When I feel lostbring me to you. Let your heart beatcalm my own. Let the rise and fall of your chestslow my own. Let your stillnessseep in to metill the voices fall quietand I can be still too. Hold me close to you.

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I wish you could sit with mebeside the campfire. Just the two of usalone in the dark faces warmedby the crackling flamesas sparks jump in to the night. Our legs touchour shoulders touchas we huddleby the firesurrounded by the calling owlsand the rustles of creaturesbeyond our light,and the breeze in the trees We feed the […]

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It is what it is

I’m at that point Where nothing else matters Where I’m worn down The layers of my paint gone Abraded down to the metal. No fight left Resigned To what ever fate has for me I’ve given up asking Who am I? Why am I here? What’s the point of me? What’s the point of life? […]

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Intimate comfort

Please I beg youshow me you care.Give me my ultimate comfortand stroke my hairor evenif you can bear it,gently stroke my backand feel me shiverunder your fingers tipsand sigh deeply to weep with relief at being shown such intimacy. Human contactin its closest form.Simplepuremeaningful care. I open my eyesto the silence of the empty roomand […]

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Worrying!What a waste of timeand yet so many of usare masters at the craft. Hours and days ruinedstomach churningteeth gnashingtears flowingintestine gurgling. Sleep lostcovers whirledstaring in to the darknessthe clock hands unmoving. Yet to what end?What does all that effort achieve?Worrying doesn’t take away the troubles of the futureIt takes away the peace of today.

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Remember you

How long can I mourn?How long must I yearn for what could have been?How long?Too long.So long that I realisewith the longest of longingfor the rest of my lifeI’ll now have the pain of remembering youlonger than I knew you.

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Faithful Doubt

A lesson to learnas I question faithas I question the spiritas I question Godas I look for certainty of existenceof evidence of existenceof evidence of prayerof evidence of certainty. The lesson that’s landingis that the evidence may not mattermay not existshouldn’t existthat the evidence of certain is uncertainand thereinperhapslies the faith I seek. The opposite […]

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I want to believe

Doubts pervadegnaw awayquestions upon questionsoptimistic pessimismpessimistic optimismopen doors closeclosed doors open. Do I?Can I?Should I?Who am I? I don’t want to believe what I want to believe,I simply want to believe.

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Imagine if you willbut for a momentthat you have a thorn in your shoulder.Painful in the extremeYet you are afraid to remove itin case it gets worse. So what can you do? Anything you do could catch itaggravate itmaybe make it go deeper. So you do your allto protect the thorn from harm. You don’t […]

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Let the hate flow

I realise nowit’s ok to hateit’s ok to feel the venomthat twists in my gutsthat makes me want to scream at the hurt. But it’s important to not be consumed by that hateto not hold it so closit becomes a permanent extra limb. It’s not wrong to feel hate or anger.Just be wary of acting […]

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Treading earth

Sensationstouch my soletouch my soulbare feettreading the earthbeneath the blue sky. Mindfully walkingcareful placementaround twigs and stonesand ridged soil. Stand stillto face the sunwarmth dissolving tensiontoes clenchgrasping the dirtsenses engagingto experience the moment. Moving once againnot heel to toebut forefoot firstacross the hard surface then changes softnessdampmy feet sink down. Earth between my toesSquishySquidgya delicious […]

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Chronic fire

Painchronicmy world on firethorns and glass shardsgrate between my skin and fleshwithout me even moving. Nothing helpsno painkillers touchor sootheas the grit under my skin flows around my bodysending wraith-like fingersspikey tendrilsin to my jointsrandomlykeeping me guessingso I don’t even have time to tenseor flinchas the all out assault on my body continues. Clothes touching […]

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Dance with me

The stars our chandelier as we sway to the music. I hold you closeyour arms around me. I can smell your hairyour head tucked under my chinyour chest against mineour hearts beat togetherholding to the rhythmof the music that surrounds us. The slight soundof the material of our clothesbrushing against each other.A testament to our […]

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